There’s this really good Korean cloud-seeding brand she should try. She’s getting very dry and patchy.ĮRIC: She needs to focus on moisture retention. STEVEN: I’m worried about desertification. They didn’t realize Africa and South America used to be connected for a long time.
STEVEN: Thank god she got that Pangea lasered off, though. They always say you’re supposed to apply geological change in gentle circles on your subcontinent so your tectonic plates don’t crash together. She’s only making it worse.ĮRIC: That’s true. STEVEN: Well, India needs to stop pushing on them. STEVEN: She got glacial resurfacing all across North America.ĮRIC: She looks good but her Himalayas could use some filler. Maybe the Earth is just spiritually 35.ĮRIC: She’s definitely had some work done. STEVEN: Just trying to get in one last flight before I start de-growing.ĮRIC: I’m having a mid-life crisis. Like all the things that people wanna do, like buy Teslas and charge carbon taxes on your plane trips or whatever like won’t make a difference if we keep expanding the economy.ĮRIC: So this is why you’re going on vacation to Panama? STEVEN: Global warming is bad and the only way to stop it - or so I’ve read - is through de-growth. STEVEN: I wanna talk about global warming.ĮRIC: That’s so Gen Z of you. STEVEN: A content oil well, gushing take after take.ĮRIC: We’re being drilled until we run dry. STEVEN: And Twitter’s previous largest shareholder was a Saudi prince.ĮRIC: From one extractive industry to another. All his wealth comes from speculative stock manipulation, which is driven by his notoriety, which is driven by Twitter.ĮRIC: Well he also inherited his father’s diamond mine. STEVEN: A lot of comedy Twitter already seems to be on autopilot.ĮRIC: I think Elon just wants to buy Twitter because it makes him money. STEVEN: Much like an aging lithium battery in a Tesla, you get less mileage out of every charge - and less likes out of every tweet.ĮRIC: Maybe Elon could add a self-driving mode to my account. STEVEN: They’d prefer a good billionaire, like Warren Buffett.ĮRIC: I can’t tell if Twitter is dying, or if I’m dying on Twitter. STEVEN: And criticizing Tesla is now a war crime.ĮRIC: People just don’t want an evil billionaire to buy Twitter. But the based provinces are still up for grabs.ĮRIC: Chrissy Teigen is a self-conscientious objector. Blue checks have claimed most of cringe territory.
He is literally gay.ĮRIC: There’s a war being waged over what we can say.
And only slander against them is censored. STEVEN: Except for that one time I got put in Twitter jail for calling Ron*n Farr*w a “f*ggot.”ĮRIC: See, the real problem is only the blue checks are protected. You can post dick!ĮRIC: And hole, depending on the lighting. Just because liberals put Ukraine flags in their bio doesn’t mean your views are being “censored.” You can still say anything you want on Twitter. STEVEN: I think Elon’s free-speech crusade is a little overblown.
SIT ON GAY FUCKING MACHINE FOR ASLE FREE
STEVEN: It’s eau de Musk, permeating the Twitterverse.ĮRIC: Is free smell protected under the constitution? WELCOME TO TALK HOLE, A MONTHLY TOPICAL CONVERSATION BETWEEN COMEDIANS ERIC SCHWARTAU AND STEVEN PHILLIPS-HORST.